Things I Didn't Know

I know I've written about this subject in another blog entry, but this word "hyperinsulinemia" is destined, and rightly so, to come up again and again.

I'm addressing some of my food issues and my personal history with "disorderly eating" that almost took my life as I know it. As with alcoholics, people with food issues often have to hit rock bottom before being forced into a change. Rock bottom is not the same for everyone. This was one thing I came to know. I have to say "I was delighted to learn this, but at the same time I honestly didn't want to know it."

 Life teaches us many things...some welcomed and others "not so much." The time and money I spent dealing with my food issues could have filled a bank vault. I never paid too much attention until I graduated from high school. I was always athletic and could eat large amounts of food without gaining weight. I was never fat, never plump, but certainly not skinny. I was a competitive roller skater during my high school years and held a part time job after school and all day Saturday. I remember having horrendous hunger and couldn't wait to go to lunch. In the afternoon I would sometimes have a "low period", but there was always candy or something around, so I never felt faint or shaky.

As I look back to those years I was definitely "hyperinsulinemic", but this was managed with large amounts of food. I didn't eat much junk in those days and candy was never an everyday thing, but I could eat a very large sandwich with chips and a giant bowl of salad. I remember my mother criticizing the amount of food I could "put away." She was still into wanting to control my appetite, but since she worked out of the house I was free to take care of myself.

Hunger was always an issue for me. Today it is still an issue, but since I've controlled my hyperinsulinemia and insulin resistance, I don't have what I called "I could eat the wallpaper off the walls hunger." I'm also very careful about "walk-by eating." Those early rules of sitting down at the table to eat and even to use good china, glassware and cloth napkins still holds to this day. Many of my other rules that I'll get into somewhere down the pike in this blog still hold true for today. For example, I shop from a LIST and don't buy anything that is processed.

That rule was a tough one during my "early days." There were times when I had to leave my shopping cart in the aisle and go "sit in the car" until my "unbalanced child-self" stopped bothering me. In the early months I didn't allow myself to go down certain aisles in the supermarket. The soda aisle fell into that category as did the cereal aisle. As for the bakery, I wasn't allowed to go there for at least six months and when I felt more control, I would only allow myself to read the labels. This was a great exercise for me because I hated to read the names of all the chemicals in the food. I'm petrified of chemicals in food, especially when I can't pronounce them. After reading the labels I would head back to the fruit department and purchase some berries.

The order in which I did this was important for me. If I had purchased the berries first, then I wouldn't have appreciated them as much. I really needed to understand that the bakery items had "chemicals." To this day I am turned off by this knowledge. When I first changed my eating I burned fat much too quickly. It literally fell off my body because of my level of exercise. It was not healthy and I suffered greatly from hypoglycemia, the reason being that my lean body mass was much too small. The lean body mass is our "fat burning machine."

 A person who is overweight is usually "over-fat". The scale weight is deceptive. For me, I went from a size 14 to a 6 in two months. I looked anorexic and felt terrible. My weight went from 155 to 115 and kept falling. For the first time in my life I was afraid of losing weight. I didn't know how to stop it from going down. Believe me, this was frightening.

The hypoglycemia presented itself like "anxiety attacks" and quite frankly, I was a mess. It took further research for me to understand what was happening and how to control it. One thing I found out was that I had to build my lean body mass while allowing the fat to keep burning. This is how athletes "who are healthy" manage to stay that way. I happen to need quite a bit of protein to stay stable. All of this depends on my exercise. There are foods that I stay away from completely, and others that I've come to like even though they were never favorites of mine. I do have a couple of video's on YouTube and I will transfer them over here, but not today.

It is so important to understand the relationship of the body fat percentage to the lean body mass. If one burns more lean body mass, the body will return to fat storage when the "diet" is supposedly over. You can see this all the time with programs that are advertised on television. Notice all the refined carbohydrates provided in those meals. Yes, the scale weight will go down, but this is the lean body mass burning off. This is why there is rebound weight gain. For me, I weigh around 150, but still wear a size 8=10 which is healthy for me. I walk six miles a day, mostly with my dog. If it snow, I have a treadmill.

I will never stop my lifestyle changes. Why would I? As for my "imbalanced child-self", I'd like to say she is a perfect little angel, but she is not. She still talks about the binge, but mostly in a sing-song way with me. She gets excited around the holidays and if allowed, would fill the shopping cart with all sorts of @#$%^.

Elizabeth Bohorquez, RN, C.Ht
Clinical Medical Hypnotherapist
President and Program Designer
International Medical Health Writers Ltd.
Lincoln, RI

www.hypnosis-audio.com
www.sugar-addiction.com
Amazon Author Page 
elizrn@international-medical-health-writers.com

Twitter Handle - ELIZRN

Rules of the Road

 If you are following along with me, I just finished reviewing the night I realized my deepest fear...that of "myself." There is a part of me ( it still exists ) that is cunning and dangerous. Strangely enough, I like this part. She is creative and fun, but also can be dangerous. She is my addictive self and is always ready to suggest some "nonsense" to take me off the Path I've committed to traveling.

Oh, how I wish I could go off with her and have crazy fun without having to "pay the piper." What would it be like to eat all the things that smile out to me from the shelves of the supermarket, the restaurant menus, the fast food joints, the liquor store, the endless desire to buy things that appeal to me even when I don't need them. What fun not to get up with the damn alarm clock, get in the car and just go wherever I wanted without any responsibilities to anyone. What would it feel like to erase the past and just to "escape" from everything. What if I never got sick from eating a gallon of ice cream, an entire pizza or a foot long hero sandwich with all the trimmings?

One day I wrote a list of all the foods I would eat IF I wouldn't get sick. The list horrified me. I was beginning to know how very sick I had become. Then I made a list of everything I would buy if I had no limits or had to face the bill at the end of the month. I sensed the joy I had when purchasing things, or even ordering a cocktail in a restaurant. Just the thoughts made my mind race to a super-happy place.

Opening my dark place was becoming an enlightening, but frightening experience. So, it wasn't just about food, but much more that needed tending. My "garden" was full of weeds, despite my being a successful professional, mother, wife and friend. I suppose one might say I was a "fraud." It's difficult for me to look at myself through that lens, but then again that is only a judgment that indicates where changes need to be made.

This information is very important for me to heal on very deep levels. This is what this year is about. From my work in the field of nursing and clinical hypnotherapy, I knew a lot about "dark places" of others besides myself. Perhaps knowing my own dark place, and being willing to explore it further, would help my patients as well as myself.

I'm not new to this exploration. I've done it for decades, BUT since my son's death the exploration has taken on a new "context." I could only explain it by saying that "I feel like I'm being led to a Higher Place, and that in order to go there, I must clean up some of my dark areas." I decided ( or to be more accurate ), I've been directed to review my own work "end to end". That means listening to every one of my mp3 programs, and to read everything I've written, both in my books and journals. This is a big assignment. I've been given no deadline ( funny metaphor ). I'm also to finish writing the books I've been given to do. Looks like I'm going to be quite busy!

 As I return to the night of my "big fear", I wrote in my journal that I finally stood up and walked into the kitchen. My journal was on the kitchen table. I sat down and wrote a few rules that seemed to be dictated to me from a voice speaking to me from within. God, I wanted a drink! The first rules were simple. I was not to eat except at meals. The meals were to be at specific times. I could have snacks, but they were to be at certain times. ( Oh, I was not liking this.)

 Then came an odd rule. I had to eat "at the table" which was to be set with my best china, cutlery, glassware, linen napkin, and with a fresh flower in a vase. When I packed my lunch for work ( no fast food or food ordered in ), I was to do the same. I was to keep the china, cutlery, glassware, linen napkin, etc. in the office. My food would be packed in "new" attractive plastic containers, and each day I would be serving myself something delightful. "Oh my goodness. This was becoming a real chore." The truth was I never made plans about anything. I ate whatever was in the fridge. I ate in front of the television if I was alone, if family was home, I ate while cooking, then just sat with them. No one ever seemed to notice.

 Now...I had these rules. The child part of me was screaming, BUT....she liked the idea of the formality of the setting. That interested me. Why? As time pasted I began to understand...it was a beginning to my inner healing. Today I'm reviewing an mp3 called "The Mountain." It is a hypnotic journey into my past, and then up the mountain to the "summit." I love this program. You can find it in my Catalog on my website. The link is below. It's in the Learn Self-Hypnosis Series.

 

Elizabeth Bohorquez, RN, C.Ht
Clinical Medical Hypnotherapist
President and Program Designer
International Medical Health Writers Ltd.
Lincoln, RI

www.hypnosis-audio.com
www.sugar-addiction.com

elizRN@international-medical-health-writers.com
Twitter Handle - ELIZRN