INNER JOURNALING WORKSHOP DAY 1

INNER JOURNALING DAY 1


If you want to ask me a direct question, here's my email.  If I think your question will benefit others, I will post my answer but without your name or personal information QUESTION: Will we be working with "imagery?"  YES, all sorts...you'll be surprised! Here is where we are going to begin...

Who is your MasterMind? Where does your Creative Genius reside? What if you believe you are not "creative"? After all, you can't draw a straight line. Of course, this is not what we are about to address here. Creativity is not just reserved for artists or writers. Every single person is creative and this is a gift given at birth. We were all born with "genius capability." What happened is that we forgot and others stepped in to program us, but that does not mean we cannot go back and retrieve what is ours. This is a special kind of "recovery." We are mining for "gold"...that we already own. Then, we will be guided to our highest achievements and desires.

 The image on the top indicates the speed of brain waves. The faster the brain waves the further you are from the "library of your mind" and your connection to your Higher Self. Think for a moment about prayer. When you pray you become still...quiet. Stop for a moment now and listen to what quiet sounds like. Even if there is noise or simple sounds in the room where you are there is also spaces of quiet. Even music has quiet places between the notes.

Today is Day 1 of our Workshop. Here we will learn to find the quiet. You can do this in many different ways. It's good to experiment. You can do so in your mind, by asking assistance of the "inner librarian" or by watching or touching your belly breath. Just stay in this quiet place for a minute or so. Pay attention to the difference between this space and where you spend most of your time during your day.

I'm opening the Journaling Workshop with some notes to you. As I sit here writing I'm imagining you with your Journal opened, pen in hand, perhaps wondering what comes next and if the answers you have been looking for may live between these blank pages in your Journal. I'd like you to close it...run your writing hand over the outside cover as you sit quietly with it on the table or desk in front of you. This is going to be where you will be communicating with the deepest part of your Self. Perhaps you believe you know yourself well, but I believe you will find that the pages inside this front cover are going to introduce you to deeper areas within you...for this is where your creative genius lives and has been with you from the time of your birth, perhaps before depending on your beliefs as they currently stand. I say this because as you work through your Journal your beliefs may change a little or even a lot.

 Perhaps you have been looking for answers for a long time and it is possible that you didn't even know the questions to ask, nor who to ask them to because deep Knowledge or Inner Wisdom is not something another person can give you. Only the deepest parts of you, yourSelf can offer these answers to you. As you open your Journal, notice the lines across the pages for it is on these lines that the answers you are seeking will appear. You may wonder when that will happen, but this I cannot tell you because only you going to be in contact with your deepest Self, and your Highest Self. The answers may come quickly or slowly, depending on the right timing for you. All of this is already known. These deep parts of you have been waiting for this moment when you are to begin your inward journey.

 Please open your Journal now to the first lined page. I'd like you to write the date, including the year. Now, put your pen down. Please make sure you will not be disturbed. Turn off all phones, etc. and if others are around, please be in a private place for you. You may need to choose a different time, depending on your life schedule, and it may even be necessary for you to be outside your home if there is no way for you to have 30 minutes of private time. Many years ago...yes, I've been doing this for several decades, I had to sit in my car with my Journal. I would choose a special place to park. I remember sitting by the ocean, on the side of a park, and yes...even in a cemetery. Can't find any quieter place than that! I actually found that to be the most spiritual place, as if the spirits came to help me find my way back to my true Self.

We all develop our own methods for quieting our mind, for this is what we must do first before writing. For me, I place my Journal aside with the pen ready to write. I then close my eyes gently, tilting them up slightly behind my closed lids. The area in front of my closed eyes is my "mind screen." We will be utilizing the "mind screen" often during our inner work. If you are like me, thoughts will race across your mind, like traffic in Times Square. Just notice it...thoughts are things. We can just notice them and not be involved with them. Later on we will work very specifically with thoughts, utilizing them and editing them along with our subconscious mind. Now pick up your pen and write whatever comes to you. Forget sentences, spelling, judgments...just write what the pen wants to say "as if" you were speaking to the deepest part of you. If you have nothing to say, then write that you have nothing to say.

Listen in the quiet space between the "notes" for answers. Write them. This is your first inner conversation on paper. You have had these self-talks many times in your mind..perhaps while driving, in the shower, whenever you have been alone or even when someone else is talking to you...your mind wanders, but now you are writing this down. When you have finished, say "good-bye" for now and close your journal.

 SIDE NOTE FROM ME.. The other day I was writing about how negative energy or experiences, including grieving can connect to this place in the subconscious mind, then transmute the pain into this very high level of creativity. This can happen following any loss, big or small. Transmutation is something I discuss in the books and programs I've written and certainly in my new book. This is not to be missed! I'm asked if one can get to this special place without the above, and my answer is "yes", but one needs to develop certain skills that will allow the deepening into the under-recesses of the subconscious mind. If you visit my website you will find programs that will teach and program these skills for you. It takes desire, commitment and time, but in return you will receive a gift of the highest level of creativity and achievement that is impossible to achieve without venturing down. Working through the window of "eating issues" is a powerful place to begin to open the door to high level performance and creativity. I know this both personally and professionally. As you read my blogs and books, you will be making your own changes right in the moment. I look forward to taking you on this journey with me, and invite you to share your personal experiences.

I've been receiving lots of questions on Twitter and I'm happy to answer some of them, although I do want to take some time to work on my own inner self and goals. I made some big commitments for 2015 and writing my blog helps me greatly. Anyone who writes knows that the more one writes, especially utilizing "automatic writing", the better one writes with special projects.

When the subconscious mind "opens", the creative Self comes forward and simply knows what is needed. I'm sitting here waiting for the "double blizzard" to hit us starting tomorrow. I'm hoping that we won't lose power. I don't mind being snowed-in, but having to worry about all the things that "loss of power" brings, tends to close my creative process....at least in areas that don't have to do with "survival and safety."

 Let me answer a few questions that seem to keep repeating themselves...

 **Many people who are over-weight or obese are "afraid" of food. They tend to starve or binge. This keeps the blood sugar and other hormones very imbalanced. Eating like this causes weight gain. The body systems NEED nutrition and so if you aren't eating the foods your body needs to function, it will go into survival mode and break down your lean body mass. Obese or over-weight people always have a small lean body mass, sometimes anorexic, and a large body fat percentage. This needs to be reversed and is accomplished through high level nutrition. Remember, the biggest stress the body experiences is "food stress." You do want to change this.

 **Just because everyone in your family is over-weight, obese, has diabetes, or other chronic disease states DOES NOT MEAN that you have to go down the same path. While you have a "tendency towards something" you can re-route. If you don't, then you will go down the same path.

 **If you think you can't lose weight then you won't. That's how the mind works. But...losing weight is not the correct goal. You want to burn fat and build your lean body mass. When you do this, then you will never have to worry about your scale weight again. The good news is that eating high level nutrition is so enjoyable and easy, that is IF you want to experience it. There are roadblocks, many caused my your own mind and other people in your life who will sabotage you. Remember, it is your life and you are the one who will experience the outcome of your behaviors, no one else. If you eat incorrectly, your fat will be yours along with all the chronic diseases and cognitive issues. Your choice!

 OK...now it's time for me. Yesterday I worked hypnotically with my Masters. Today I'm having a Board Meeting with them. I have some direct questions that actually came out from yesterday's meeting. I had active dreams last night where some of the "messages" I received came forward inside new images. Some were old, but others were new.

 I've dedicated this year to organizing my research into a reasonable order so I can write eBooks. Unfortunately my research and experience is huge, so I keep falling into procrastination. In a way, I'm fearful of even attempting to correlate all of this. If that isn't enough, I have a strong desire to publish two novels I've written following the loss of my son Michael. These books ( or books to be ) are very meaningful to me and I do want to complete these projects. So...I'm meeting with my Spiritual Guides/Masters to ask for assistance.

I do accept that I can't do everything, BUT I find myself "avoiding" instead of facing my work and "enjoying" it. I've been in a state of depression following my son's death, and while this could be a factor, I need to utilize the energy from my grief/depression and transmute it into a flow of energy that moves my desires along.

 I'm going to the Board Meeting as I write this. I enter by way of meditation and a focus on the noise of my dishwasher. Strange but true. It has a good cadence that I enjoy. It's like mechanical music. My breath has slowed and I'm entering a spiral staircase...counting down. The door to the Meeting Room is below. I see/think it. I enter. It's not a regular room, but a series of big stones around a small fire. I'm directed to a stone. Interestingly, it's not hard, but very comfortable. The fire dances before me taking me deeper down. I look at my Spiritual Guides/Masters. No one is saying anything. I let go of my expectations. That's me, always expecting something...comes the message into my mind. Oh, no secrets here. I'm completely vulnerable.

They know me, even though I don't think I know them. I'm corrected...we all know each other for we are "one." OK..I'll buy that. I'm told to "shhhh." The flicker of the flames draw me in. I'm quieter now. I thought I was quiet before, but obviously not so. I feel myself smile inwardly. I feel something in my hands. I look down at a beautiful clock. I've never seen one like this before. I seem to know it's a "life clock."

Across my mind I notice things lining up. I don't know what they are. I'm told that I do know. The things lining up are speaking to each other but I cannot hear the conversations. I'm told to "shhhh". I sense myself going deeper down. I hold an instruction to gently open my eyes. I do so, even without an effort. My eyes seem to follow the directions on their own. That feels good. I'm in my chair...at my desk. I'm at peace. I wonder what tomorrow will bring. In the background I hear "shhhh."

Thank you...I am Grateful.

 Elizabeth Bohorquez, RN, C.Ht
Clinical Medical Hypnotherapist
President and Program Designer International Medical Health Writers, Ltd.
Lincoln, RI 

www.hypnosis-audio.com + 400 mp3 Download Now Sessions
www.sugar-addiction.com
elizrn@international-medical-health-writers.com
Twitter Handle - ELIZRN
 Full Interactive Blog - Anatomy of the Inner Self

 AMAZON AUTHOR PAGE

Climbing the Four Steps...Over and Over

In my last blog post I set up the four steps to what I call "High Level Health and Performance." For me, the first step was the most difficult and it was here that I either tripped or found myself unable to move....a special kind of procrastination that lives inside or BESIDE disorderly eating. There is a difference, and understanding this concept was vital to my long term success. It still is.

The idea that disorderly eating is over forever is a dream, especially when it has been deeply embedded in the subconscious mind and has so many tangents or triggers. After living with myself and then working with clients over the decades I've seen just about everything. Staying in what I call "high level nutrition" is a challenge, but one that is very worthwhile. You might wonder if I stay in this place....well, most of the time, but not all of the time. For me, I have learned to eat healthy meals based on my nutritional needs and genetics, but I will wander over into the sugar or salt area on occasion. Believe me, it took quite awhile to achieve this level of food sanity, so I am grateful.

 The steps are very important to my food sobriety. Without them I believe I would slip back. There are times when I need the second and third step to manage life chaos. This is done right in the moment. The fourth step, the imagery/imaginology step is vital to clean up and replant a more powerful image.

Let me give you an example from my own life. As I'm writing this I'm thinking what to choose. Part of me wants to discuss something "big" like the unexpected death of my son, but I don't want to go there. That wouldn't be as useful to you as some everyday experience, so let's go to the "office candy jar" and the cookies, cakes, bagels, donuts brought in by fellow employees.

My inner child is screaming, "Tell them about driving home past the pizza place." Yes, that is one of "her" favorite stories and challenges, especially if we are going to be alone for dinner. Being alone is a big trigger for "us." Remember, I'm a "secret eater", so when I don't have to hide it makes the whole process much easier.

 I think I'll stick with the junk in the office. In the beginning I wasn't all that aware of how much stuff there was. I was blind to it..."comfortably blind." As I started to be "mindful" and practice "high level awareness" I was stunned, not only with how much stuff there was on a daily basis, but how much of it we ate and how often we ate it. There is a habit called "walk-by eating." Most of my colleagues had candy jars on their desks supposedly for guests or staff who stopped in for some sort of conference. Sitting in front of a candy jar all day is a dangerous activity. I began to notice that colleagues were drawn to different candy jars, always taking a piece...like it was nothing.

Every Monday I noticed the candy jars being refilled by their owners. On and on it went. When I came to the Knowledge that I couldn't have sugar like this, I retired my candy jar. I can't tell you how many people remarked about it. "Where's the candy?" So, I wasn't the only one with the problem. 

Getting rid of my candy jar needed some special "step work." My thoughts, emotions, even body sensations kept me in procrastination. The "child-self" suggested that I put it in my bottom drawer or filing cabinet. What a dangerous suggestion...but very cunning. "No," said my Higher Power. "Out it must go." The child replied, "It's wrong to throw out the candy. Give it to someone else." Cunning again. "No." It was to really "go." But where? My Higher Power told me to put it in the garbage bin of the building where we worked. The "child" came with me screaming all the way. As I threw it into the bin I asked for "forgiveness" and promised not to replace it. I returned to the "second step" and spent some time in mindfulness, gratitude and full release of the pattern. Was I never to think of this again? Of course not...BUT..the image of the promise and full release was placed subconsciously.

Each time the thought returned, I placed an X on it and returned to the second step....thankful. One of my colleagues had a jar of pretzels on her desk. My child-self jumped to the opportunity. My mind was filled with "suggestions"...often loud ones, that "pretzels were not like candy" and we should visit Brenda more often.

Becoming aware of how food works in your particular body is vital to self-management. Becoming aware of the messages in the mind, the body tension connected to those messages, and the emotions connected to the body sensations is a complete revelation. Personally, I found it overwhelming and frightening. I knew from my health review that I could not have these things, especially in the beginning and also between meals due to the insulin issue, but there was my "mind"....thoughts, emotions and a very tense body literally pushing me off the chair and down the hall. I found myself "dizzy" with the child-self telling me that "if I had a pretzel I wouldn't faint." Notice the embedded fear tactic.

 So, how does one come to manage this? First there needs to be Knowledge about the needs of the body and mind to keep the blood sugar levels stable. This is where "insulin" needs to be understood. Next, there needs to be motivators. For me it was about my huge hunger and fatigue. I didn't want them ever again. They were connected to anxiety attacks and once I knew this as a fact, I could plant those fears and dislikes into my mind. I also knew I had to eat the foods my body needed to protect the insulin release and at the same time to start correcting the hyperinsulinemia. Yes, this is very different from focusing on weight loss and dieting.

 Practicing the first three steps and then adding in the fourth step is an ongoing process. The book I wrote many decades ago is still a best seller online. There are mp3's that go along with the ebooks. I've found this to be the most successful application of my work. The books are written in "Interactive Self-Hypnosis" and then reinforced with the mp3 Sessions. They are available on Amazon.com. The link is below.

 I'm often asked "How long does this take?" I must admit when I'm asked that I feel like running away from telling the truth. Addicts or people who live disorderly lives do not want to know the answer to this question. It's like handing them an excuse for not starting. But here's the truth....it doesn't end. It must go on for as long as you live. There is no other way to a life of high level health and achievement. But, let me add this. The rewards are huge, and are not only health related. As discipline is brought to a sector of life, all other areas benefit.

The practice of mindfulness, managing emotions, thoughts and body sensations carry huge benefits to the entire mind, body and Spirit. When one is in balance with life, one is closer to one's Higher Self and Higher Power, however you see that for yourself.

 God Bless...

Elizabeth Bohorquez, RN, C.Ht Clinical Medical Hypnotherapist
President and Program Designer International Medical Health Writers Ltd. Lincoln, RI www.hypnosis-audio.com
www.sugar-addiction.com
elizrn@international-medical-health-writers.com

Twitter Handle - ELIZRN
Full Interactive Blog - Anatomy of the Inner Self
AMAZON AUTHOR PAGE

Things I Didn't Know

I know I've written about this subject in another blog entry, but this word "hyperinsulinemia" is destined, and rightly so, to come up again and again.

I'm addressing some of my food issues and my personal history with "disorderly eating" that almost took my life as I know it. As with alcoholics, people with food issues often have to hit rock bottom before being forced into a change. Rock bottom is not the same for everyone. This was one thing I came to know. I have to say "I was delighted to learn this, but at the same time I honestly didn't want to know it."

 Life teaches us many things...some welcomed and others "not so much." The time and money I spent dealing with my food issues could have filled a bank vault. I never paid too much attention until I graduated from high school. I was always athletic and could eat large amounts of food without gaining weight. I was never fat, never plump, but certainly not skinny. I was a competitive roller skater during my high school years and held a part time job after school and all day Saturday. I remember having horrendous hunger and couldn't wait to go to lunch. In the afternoon I would sometimes have a "low period", but there was always candy or something around, so I never felt faint or shaky.

As I look back to those years I was definitely "hyperinsulinemic", but this was managed with large amounts of food. I didn't eat much junk in those days and candy was never an everyday thing, but I could eat a very large sandwich with chips and a giant bowl of salad. I remember my mother criticizing the amount of food I could "put away." She was still into wanting to control my appetite, but since she worked out of the house I was free to take care of myself.

Hunger was always an issue for me. Today it is still an issue, but since I've controlled my hyperinsulinemia and insulin resistance, I don't have what I called "I could eat the wallpaper off the walls hunger." I'm also very careful about "walk-by eating." Those early rules of sitting down at the table to eat and even to use good china, glassware and cloth napkins still holds to this day. Many of my other rules that I'll get into somewhere down the pike in this blog still hold true for today. For example, I shop from a LIST and don't buy anything that is processed.

That rule was a tough one during my "early days." There were times when I had to leave my shopping cart in the aisle and go "sit in the car" until my "unbalanced child-self" stopped bothering me. In the early months I didn't allow myself to go down certain aisles in the supermarket. The soda aisle fell into that category as did the cereal aisle. As for the bakery, I wasn't allowed to go there for at least six months and when I felt more control, I would only allow myself to read the labels. This was a great exercise for me because I hated to read the names of all the chemicals in the food. I'm petrified of chemicals in food, especially when I can't pronounce them. After reading the labels I would head back to the fruit department and purchase some berries.

The order in which I did this was important for me. If I had purchased the berries first, then I wouldn't have appreciated them as much. I really needed to understand that the bakery items had "chemicals." To this day I am turned off by this knowledge. When I first changed my eating I burned fat much too quickly. It literally fell off my body because of my level of exercise. It was not healthy and I suffered greatly from hypoglycemia, the reason being that my lean body mass was much too small. The lean body mass is our "fat burning machine."

 A person who is overweight is usually "over-fat". The scale weight is deceptive. For me, I went from a size 14 to a 6 in two months. I looked anorexic and felt terrible. My weight went from 155 to 115 and kept falling. For the first time in my life I was afraid of losing weight. I didn't know how to stop it from going down. Believe me, this was frightening.

The hypoglycemia presented itself like "anxiety attacks" and quite frankly, I was a mess. It took further research for me to understand what was happening and how to control it. One thing I found out was that I had to build my lean body mass while allowing the fat to keep burning. This is how athletes "who are healthy" manage to stay that way. I happen to need quite a bit of protein to stay stable. All of this depends on my exercise. There are foods that I stay away from completely, and others that I've come to like even though they were never favorites of mine. I do have a couple of video's on YouTube and I will transfer them over here, but not today.

It is so important to understand the relationship of the body fat percentage to the lean body mass. If one burns more lean body mass, the body will return to fat storage when the "diet" is supposedly over. You can see this all the time with programs that are advertised on television. Notice all the refined carbohydrates provided in those meals. Yes, the scale weight will go down, but this is the lean body mass burning off. This is why there is rebound weight gain. For me, I weigh around 150, but still wear a size 8=10 which is healthy for me. I walk six miles a day, mostly with my dog. If it snow, I have a treadmill.

I will never stop my lifestyle changes. Why would I? As for my "imbalanced child-self", I'd like to say she is a perfect little angel, but she is not. She still talks about the binge, but mostly in a sing-song way with me. She gets excited around the holidays and if allowed, would fill the shopping cart with all sorts of @#$%^.

Elizabeth Bohorquez, RN, C.Ht
Clinical Medical Hypnotherapist
President and Program Designer
International Medical Health Writers Ltd.
Lincoln, RI

www.hypnosis-audio.com
www.sugar-addiction.com
Amazon Author Page 
elizrn@international-medical-health-writers.com

Twitter Handle - ELIZRN

Resilience Garden

The night I came to understand how frightened I was of my "addictive self", I came face to face with an image that represented it. It was nothing more than a child, but what a child it was. Over the next few weeks I was to understand the power it had over me. The "understanding" was only partial because the "origination" went so deep into my psyche. There were places I had no recollection of ever experiencing, many of these empowering this child-self who seemed both innocent and toxic.

While I had experienced the toxicity, I never paid much attention, nor did I ever decide to take it apart and analyze it. When the child realized what my intention was, there was an incredible resistance, rather like running head first into a brick wall. I came to understand that it was going to take both courage and commitment to work through this, and it was most likely going to take time. 

When patients ask me, "How long is this going to take?" I remember my own experiences and shudder at the truth. I try to re-frame my answer in a way that will not frighten or discourage anyone, but to stay somewhere in the realm of the truth. We are not all built the same. Some of us have more resilience than others built over the years. Those of us with a stronger amount can take a bigger dose of the truth.

For me, while I was resilient, when it came to my eating issues my resilience was weak. Realizing this, I decided to utilize a technique I'd developed many years ago for my oncology patients. It's called "transmutation." I would relax deeply, take myself to my "special place" in my mind's eye, locate my "resilience garden" and empower myself. Then, I would take that "power" and bring it to my "eating or food behavior garden."

 Building a resilience garden is something we can all learn to do. You can do it through journaling, drawing images, or through meditation. I think it's best to utilize a journal or draw images, THEN...plant these during meditation. When the mind is at a higher focus, the images can go deeper into the subconscious mind.

 If you are working with my programs, have a look at the ones designed for building resilience, managing emotions or even those designed for affirmations. There are many of them and all will work for you. Then, open a journal just for this work. I gathered my resilience from surviving following the death of my father when I was three. I don't remember much before that, but since that event was so seminal in my life, it created a starting point.

This was when I first remember experiencing fear and loneliness. I still have left-overs from those early years. In fact, I was just discussing this with my husband today. I was left alone in our house from the age of four. When I see a four year old I can't believe how little and vulnerable she or he is, yet when I was four I was considered "old enough" to be responsible to be alone. T

Those years were filled with fear about so many things. I remember locking myself in my room and hiding in my closet with some food I would gather from the kitchen before heading up the stairs. While these are painful memories, I was building resilience through these years. My worst experiences were from the age of four through ten. That is a lot of resilience. Resilience is cumulative. The more you experience, the stronger you become IF you choose or remember to utilize it. The good news is that all of it can be "transmuted" and applied to any area of life. More about this in a later blog.

Elizabeth Bohorquez, RN, C.Ht
Clinical Medical Hypnotherapist
President and Program Designer
International Medical Health Writers, Ltd.

www.hypnosis-audio.com
www.sugar-addiction.com

elizrn@international-medical-health-writers.com

Twitter Handle - ELIZRN

I'm currently reviewing all of my programs, just "as if" I was my own patient...  Here's what I'm listening to today... I want to improve my memory recall for the purpose of going deeper into my subconscious mind files. I also want to enhance my self-discipline and time management for High Level Achievement.  I have a lot to accomplish for 2015!

Rules of the Road

 If you are following along with me, I just finished reviewing the night I realized my deepest fear...that of "myself." There is a part of me ( it still exists ) that is cunning and dangerous. Strangely enough, I like this part. She is creative and fun, but also can be dangerous. She is my addictive self and is always ready to suggest some "nonsense" to take me off the Path I've committed to traveling.

Oh, how I wish I could go off with her and have crazy fun without having to "pay the piper." What would it be like to eat all the things that smile out to me from the shelves of the supermarket, the restaurant menus, the fast food joints, the liquor store, the endless desire to buy things that appeal to me even when I don't need them. What fun not to get up with the damn alarm clock, get in the car and just go wherever I wanted without any responsibilities to anyone. What would it feel like to erase the past and just to "escape" from everything. What if I never got sick from eating a gallon of ice cream, an entire pizza or a foot long hero sandwich with all the trimmings?

One day I wrote a list of all the foods I would eat IF I wouldn't get sick. The list horrified me. I was beginning to know how very sick I had become. Then I made a list of everything I would buy if I had no limits or had to face the bill at the end of the month. I sensed the joy I had when purchasing things, or even ordering a cocktail in a restaurant. Just the thoughts made my mind race to a super-happy place.

Opening my dark place was becoming an enlightening, but frightening experience. So, it wasn't just about food, but much more that needed tending. My "garden" was full of weeds, despite my being a successful professional, mother, wife and friend. I suppose one might say I was a "fraud." It's difficult for me to look at myself through that lens, but then again that is only a judgment that indicates where changes need to be made.

This information is very important for me to heal on very deep levels. This is what this year is about. From my work in the field of nursing and clinical hypnotherapy, I knew a lot about "dark places" of others besides myself. Perhaps knowing my own dark place, and being willing to explore it further, would help my patients as well as myself.

I'm not new to this exploration. I've done it for decades, BUT since my son's death the exploration has taken on a new "context." I could only explain it by saying that "I feel like I'm being led to a Higher Place, and that in order to go there, I must clean up some of my dark areas." I decided ( or to be more accurate ), I've been directed to review my own work "end to end". That means listening to every one of my mp3 programs, and to read everything I've written, both in my books and journals. This is a big assignment. I've been given no deadline ( funny metaphor ). I'm also to finish writing the books I've been given to do. Looks like I'm going to be quite busy!

 As I return to the night of my "big fear", I wrote in my journal that I finally stood up and walked into the kitchen. My journal was on the kitchen table. I sat down and wrote a few rules that seemed to be dictated to me from a voice speaking to me from within. God, I wanted a drink! The first rules were simple. I was not to eat except at meals. The meals were to be at specific times. I could have snacks, but they were to be at certain times. ( Oh, I was not liking this.)

 Then came an odd rule. I had to eat "at the table" which was to be set with my best china, cutlery, glassware, linen napkin, and with a fresh flower in a vase. When I packed my lunch for work ( no fast food or food ordered in ), I was to do the same. I was to keep the china, cutlery, glassware, linen napkin, etc. in the office. My food would be packed in "new" attractive plastic containers, and each day I would be serving myself something delightful. "Oh my goodness. This was becoming a real chore." The truth was I never made plans about anything. I ate whatever was in the fridge. I ate in front of the television if I was alone, if family was home, I ate while cooking, then just sat with them. No one ever seemed to notice.

 Now...I had these rules. The child part of me was screaming, BUT....she liked the idea of the formality of the setting. That interested me. Why? As time pasted I began to understand...it was a beginning to my inner healing. Today I'm reviewing an mp3 called "The Mountain." It is a hypnotic journey into my past, and then up the mountain to the "summit." I love this program. You can find it in my Catalog on my website. The link is below. It's in the Learn Self-Hypnosis Series.

 

Elizabeth Bohorquez, RN, C.Ht
Clinical Medical Hypnotherapist
President and Program Designer
International Medical Health Writers Ltd.
Lincoln, RI

www.hypnosis-audio.com
www.sugar-addiction.com

elizRN@international-medical-health-writers.com
Twitter Handle - ELIZRN

Fighting my Inner Voice

As I look back at my past relationship with food, I don't believe I would have changed IF I had not gotten so sick with "hyperinsulinemia." For those of you who don't know what that "big word" means, it is pre-diabetes...insulin resistance and insulin overproduction. It is also called "Metabolic Syndrome" and "Syndrome X."

I couldn't care less what it was called. I honestly didn't know anything about it. I only knew what it felt like and it was very frightening. Throughout my life I had anxiety attacks, never realizing the reasons behind it. "Hyperinsulinemia" isn't something that happens one time. It happens over-time, and symptoms can last for decades. Sometimes they speed up depending on family medical history and personal dieting history, as well as exercise history, but other times they happen "on occasion" when certain foods are eaten out of balance or food timings are out of whack. I had no idea about any of this. All I knew was that I was a compulsive, out of balance eater, preferring to snack and not eat regular meals. I delighted in bingeing, but unlike some who binge, I did not usually eat large portions of foods. I did, however, eat continuously....a bite here and a bite there. I had no idea what kind of impact this had on my pancreas, liver and other organs in my body. I was blind to all of this....unfortunately.

Waking up to the truth was a frightening experience. I didn't trust myself to be able to control my relationship with food. Food was my answer to all stress....it was my major release tool AND it was deeply embedded in my subconscious mind along with the behaviors/habits that accompanied it. To make matters worse, I had a high level of hyperinsulinemia which meant that I would have problems balancing the amount of food I needed in relation to my exercise and stress levels. Strangely enough, I needed a lot of food, but the right kinds and at the right time. All of this was foreign to me. Asking myself to change everything and keep the changes "in motion" was the base of my fear.

I always considered myself an intelligent, successful professional person....easy to get along with and fun-loving. While all of this was most likely true, there was another part of me that ran my life in a disorderly fashion. This was my addictive self. Through the decades of my life it was my best friend and set all the rules for managing whatever stress came along...and there was a lot of that. I married at a young age, moved to Europe, had adjustment issues including being lonely and frightened. I answered the anxiety with sugar and carbohydrate foods, over-exercising and other compulsive activities. I was completely unaware of what was happening inside myself. The anxiety and depression, made worse by the hyperinsulinemia went undiagnosed for decades. This became my new normal as the decades moved along. My symptoms were seen as some sort of anxiety/neurosis. I turned to more secret eating, alcohol and prescription medications offered by doctors who strangely enough never asked me anything about my family or personal medical history or what I ate. There were always the usual questions about past surgeries, but nothing more.

When I came upon the information about hyperinsulinemia I was blown out of the water. I was happy and horrified at the same time. I realized how much damage I had done, frightened that I wouldn't be able to reverse it, and at the same time scared to death of that part of me that would not let me change. That part would rather kill me than help me. When I woke up to this reality I found myself frightened of ME. I remember the moment the revelation was brought to me....I must have sat for an hour in the chair before I could move into any sort of action. The fear was so huge that I was afraid to stand up and go anywhere. I didn't know what to do. In a way I was paralyzed.

Being afraid of "who I was" was an unraveling experience. I remember praying. I remember being freezing cold. After awhile I heard a little voice tell me to "move." I stood up and found a piece of paper. I wrote some simple directions to follow....beginning rules. It was "as if" I had been sent to some sort of rehab hospital and needed to be told everything in a step-by-step manner. I knew there would be many rules, but I would be well again. This seemed to be certain, most likely an answer to my prayer. I felt some energy flow back into me, but not like in times past when I would decide to "diet" or start an exercise plan. This was a very different feeling. I felt like my tired body had been given a new spark plug, but it was going to take a long time to get completely well. My compulsive self had been replaced by a patient self that was willing to walk the path step by step along with "whoever" was leading me in those early moments.

BOOKSHELF

I invite you to review my books on Amazon.com and on my websites. The links are in the left hand column under my photo. I look forward to sharing with you. If you haven't downloaded my free mp3 on "Making Change", please scroll down for the link. The books I would suggest are on Amazon.com. Begin with Sugar...the Hidden Eating Disorder Part One. We'll move into the other books soon.  If you have questions, please let me know.

If you have carbohydrate addiction or symptoms of hypoglycemia, you might like to work with one of my Sessions mp3 Programs on my website. If you need help in choosing a program, please let me know.

Elizabeth Bohorquez, RN, C.Ht
Clinical Medical Hypnotherapist
www.hypnosis-audio.com
www.sugar-addiction.com

elizrn@international-medical-health-writers.com
Twitter Handle - ELIZRN